A good day of golf, some Thai food, and I thought I was ready for some blogging.
I've been trying to write this blog post for 30 minutes but it's all over the place, and some of it is too personal or makes me look too weird or too insecure, so I keep typing and deleting, typing and deleting, typing and deleting. Ah yes, self-censorship, hello my old friend.
So instead of writing big ol' paragraphs, I am just going to raise the questions I was trying to write about, and maybe I can try to answer them one by one in future posts.
-- What's the relationship between my online world/friends/priorities and real-life world/friends/priorities?
-- Why does it still make me cringe when people who I've met online see what I look like for the first time?
-- Why do I feel the need to censor my own support of people over whom I have fangirled just so they think I'm not too weird of a fangirl when it's probably already too late to revise their opinion? (And why do I think they even think that I'm that weird of a fangirl to begin with? And why the f&#@ does it even matter to me what they think of me?) (this question inspired by one of my most favorite YouTubers following one of my most favorite nerdfighters on Twitter this week)
-- What do you do when you see a side of a friend that you really don't like but they're your friend so therefore you don't want to judge them harshly but it really rubbed you the wrong way and made you see them in a new light which made you kind of sad because it's like you lost a way of seeing them?
-- Why do I not give myself as much credit or attention for all the positive things about me as I do for all the negative (or perceived negative) things? It is getting old.
These are the questions circling around my noggin and that I thought I might write about today but I just am not in the headspace to do it. Oh well. The next right thing is not to beat myself up about that, so beat myself up I shall not.
Hope you are all enjoying your weekends.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Martha, let me see if I can answer any of theses by a little self examination.
ReplyDelete1) Friends are friends. Does the fact that some of them you may never actually sit across the table from, make them any less real/important then some that you can touch?
2) Because you no longer have that sense of partial anonymity that a 'cyber' relationship affords you. Now, you ARE real ... as are the feelings that you can no further shield behind a monitor.
3) This is because the media has driven the word 'stalker' in to our subconscious so deeply that, even as a common fan, we feel we are under such close scrutiny by the 'star', that any wrong word we say or action we take will be taken as invasive, or worse, hostile.
We are also afraid of the power (or the illusion there of) that the star possesses, that it could be directed at us. Some hire attorneys to go after you if they feel threatened. Others just punch you in the face themselves ... and as a general rule, receive little to no punishment for it. Why? They have the money/influence/friends in high places to fight the system. We do not. All we wanted to do was say "Hi. I think you're great."
4) This is more difficult and something that I just had to deal with, myself. Here are a few things to consider.
A) Look at the situation in which the offense happened. Were they out of their element so as to not be acting like 'themselves'?
B) Were they under abnormal stress that may have altered their actions/reactions?
C) Look for a 'trigger' that might have set off this behavior. Is it new to them or the situation; meaning: what you saw/heard was unexpected by them as well and they were caught off guard?
All in all, when it comes down to it, it is about trust. You 'trust' that they will behave in a manner determined by your previous experiences with them. Now, They have broken that trust by behaving contrary to that established norm - in essence, cheating on you by being someone you don't know.
Best answer: forgive them in your heart and go on. Notice I did not say forget. You now know what can happen and look to see if it starts to happen more often. If it never happens again, it was probably a fluke indecent. Then it's time to start to forget.
5) It is in the hopes that others will come to our egos 'rescue' and save it from the harsh criticisms we are hurling at it, thus reassuring us that others do not think we suck as much as we think we do. We all like to be 'built up' a little, even if WE are the ones tearing at our foundation. It's not really a good thing but I do it as well. Maybe we need to sometimes listen to the peanut gallery - they may be right about us.
Martha, I hope that all your questions were not completely rhetorical and that you maybe were asking for a small bit of insight. :)
Now, to lighten the mood: Please send $19.95 to Mr. Joatmon - Dr of BS @ www.ImNotADoctorButIPlayOneOnTV.com. Now, get off my couch. It's scheduled to be waxed in 5 minutes and I can't cancel again. Don't ask.