April 11

A good day of golf, some Thai food, and I thought I was ready for some blogging.

I've been trying to write this blog post for 30 minutes but it's all over the place, and some of it is too personal or makes me look too weird or too insecure, so I keep typing and deleting, typing and deleting, typing and deleting. Ah yes, self-censorship, hello my old friend.

So instead of writing big ol' paragraphs, I am just going to raise the questions I was trying to write about, and maybe I can try to answer them one by one in future posts.

-- What's the relationship between my online world/friends/priorities and real-life world/friends/priorities?

-- Why does it still make me cringe when people who I've met online see what I look like for the first time?

-- Why do I feel the need to censor my own support of people over whom I have fangirled just so they think I'm not too weird of a fangirl when it's probably already too late to revise their opinion? (And why do I think they even think that I'm that weird of a fangirl to begin with? And why the f&#@ does it even matter to me what they think of me?) (this question inspired by one of my most favorite YouTubers following one of my most favorite nerdfighters on Twitter this week)

-- What do you do when you see a side of a friend that you really don't like but they're your friend so therefore you don't want to judge them harshly but it really rubbed you the wrong way and made you see them in a new light which made you kind of sad because it's like you lost a way of seeing them?

-- Why do I not give myself as much credit or attention for all the positive things about me as I do for all the negative (or perceived negative) things? It is getting old.

These are the questions circling around my noggin and that I thought I might write about today but I just am not in the headspace to do it. Oh well. The next right thing is not to beat myself up about that, so beat myself up I shall not.

Hope you are all enjoying your weekends.